Austin “Danger” Powers writes a letter to Tarantino. Wants to be Bond 25

We have some exclusive news for you, guys! If Quentin Tarantino being announced as the Director of James Bond 25 movie has got you excited, this news will blow your mind away!

Remember the sexy beast Austin “Danger” Powers? A report has it that he has written a letter to Tarantino where he has shown interest in portraying James Bond!

You heard it right! Here’s the copy of the letter.

 


Dear Mr. Quentin Tarantino,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Powers. Austin Powers. Middle name’s Danger. Ha!

It wasn’t before I completed my daily mixed martial dance with a bunch of skimpily-clad gals that I read the news that you are going to direct the new James Bond movie. Btw, yours truly makes sure that they don’t freeze to death with his hotness. The other day I fought a bunch of yetis. And last month, I failed a terrorist attack to capture the nuclear base we have our “dance school” on. Life is keeping me busy, as always. Why am I telling you all that? Ah! Don’t answer. It’s a rhetorical question. Anyway, about the new James Bond movie.

Mr. Tarantino, I have a business proposition you might find very interesting. Oh yeah.

With due respect to Mr. Daniel Craig, it’s about time that the people get the Bond they deserve. And that would me. Let me start with the most noticeable characteristics. Not the teeth. Not the libido, you naughty cat. Meow. I am talking about my nationality. British, I am. Since the 1960s, I have been carrying the responsibility of protecting the Great Britain and the rest of the world from everything “Evil”. *Cough Cough* It can’t get more British than this. And don’t even get me started about my flamboyancy! That’s a must for one Mr. Bond. Aye? I AM THE SWINGER. THE BEST. I can understand how important it’s for a Bond to seduce a girl but I will not do that. Let me tell you why. Because I don’t have to. They come begging for my louve after looking at my manliness. That’s like half the battle won right there. You must be thinking right now that oh my Jesus! He is already one of the best James Bond and we haven’t even officially signed him yet! What can I say? I always try to be modest, that’s my biggest strength.

Let me define myself in one sentence:

Irresistible to women.

Deadly to my enemies.

Legend of the business.

That’s definitely more than one sentence but who’s counting. I am not.

You’re a creative man, I give you that. But to make the “wittiest Bond film ever”, you need to have a man with a natural sense of humor. I swear on those long ravishing chest hair that I have, I am the man that you always wanted.

For the new Bond movie. Oh, behave!

I have just one question for you, Quentin babyy. Should I send my Publicist at your place or are you coming here? Let’s share the news with the media. Let the people get the most British, the manliest, the most swingy-groovy spy to play James Bond.

P.S. While I know you already have decided to sign me, still sending you a tape of that love-making scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith as a part of the “audition”. Love this Bond movie.

P.P.S. My apologies. I meant Tomorrow Never Dies. Mr. and Mrs. Smith isn’t a Bond movie, I know. Silly me.

Yours truly,

Austin “Danger” Power

Spy. Lover. Sexiest man alive.

 


This is purely a fictional piece from the mind of our team member. Austin Powers aka Mike Myers has shown no interest in playing the new James Bond (Sic). It would have been cool to see him play the iconic character under Tarantino’s direction, though. One can only dream.

 

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